I wish I am a good actress

When everything turns out sad, I wish I am a good actress. It’s been very difficult since I started to feel lost around you. How I jump like one electrocuted cat whenever I see you sneak behind me. I wish I am a good actress to pretend as if unaffected by your wavelength and smile. I must admit your voice is irresistibly sexy and I am so stimulated when you’re making that naturally engraved eye contact but no matter how euphoric this may seem to me, I still wish I am a good actress to be able to look deep into those eyes I feel shy to meet. My gaze is always averted you must have known it by now. I feel anxious when you stare at me cos I’m not sure how and when this adoration started. I wish I am a good actress because I don’t know much about you and I don’t know how much I could take when rejected by you. I wish I am a good actress because your mind is strong and creative they project great images and I’d like to feed from them like the orchids and the trees in the process called mutualism.  I wish I am a good actress to be able to carry myself well around you; that I feel so vulnerable because I’m not like this. I’m confident and strong but it works otherwise when you’re next to me and I feel so immature so stupid for being so nervous when I don’t need to be. I wish I am a good actress to be myself around you; that I don’t need to cry at the slightest provocation of my affection for you. I don’t want to be my own actress for you cos I’d like you see my warmth and truth.