To my daughter, Audrey

On your Birthday

Days flipped like a book’s page

I didn’t notice the flap it contained

the image when I held you through grace

Now it’s almost three years

but it seems you never age.

I wish you remembered your

first birthday

when we celebrated it with

Papa and Grannies,

You were so happy you

kicked your cake when the

camera flicked.

Icing swirled around your toe

and we sang you a birthday

song.

November 22; what a festive day

cos it’s going to be another one

historic day.

Sweetheart it’s your birthday!

But this time Papa and Grannies

won’t be there;

that it won’t be the same.

With your tiny voice no words came out;

you wouldn’t look for them

the way you should cos

you’d think they never left and

you’d still play.

Your giggles and energy and

cuddles here and more there

You’re beautiful, you’re mighty

you’re blissful; I ask no more.

Excuses, alibis and reasons

won’t buy your time

much more the ones inside your heart

I’m sorry Baby if it has to be

as dark as this on your birthday.

I know your sad; I understand your mad

But I hope one day, only destiny can tell

the day when circumstances are bare

And I can tell you straight everything

worth your pain; worth your wait.

No. I wouldn’t expect you’d 

accept; more so understand

cos none of you & your brother

is

at fault; or to blame.

What happened between me and Pa

remained a fact and I bled cos

it didn’t last.

Years and more of those 

years you’ll gaze before your tears

They won’t run dry; they never will

and then

it would be like heated sea salt

to a grated wound

And I’m so sorry sweetie if it had to be

I wish I could contain all your sorrows

and mental stress

but how much of ’em I needed to know

when It was you my dear who was in distress.

Please don’t cry; don’t cry my love.

Know that I’m here for you.

I won’t leave you two because

Ma loves you that’s a fact

I’ll raise you; protect you both

That will remain til the sun gives up.

Someday you’ll grow up

to see the world both flip & flap

But in my dearest heart I prayed to God

I hope my love,

You won’t hate the world so much.

Hold that love inside your heart

Be brave and strong no matter what

All is not lost in love and war

have faith cos

that’s all you’ve got.

Still with all the grimes and nasty truth

Let me shout for you

on your birthday

Happy Birthday, Darling!

Much Love,

Mama