Please don’t make me fall in love with you

I am a single Mom.

That’s all you have to know.

For that “single Mom” carries

everything you should know.

People judge & are prejudiced

I know.

But I wouldn’t mind risking though.

dirty; cursed, unfortunate & unworthy–

these are what they’ve got to say

against me.

They’d rather stay away from me

For they see nothing but a handful

of setbacks in me.

so they mangle

they scoff

they mock

they grin at me

for they know I’m vulnerable

emotionally.

I dare devour all the pain;

all the memories of poor defeat.

my voice remained close in the

back since

I couldn’t share what turned hot to cold

or turned in to out.

cos

People already lost their ears

to the cries of the few.

their embrace– marred by such a

blinded faith to wisdom

nurtured by some..

I am nothing but an infectious,

hazardous residue

taken out from a maggot infested soul.

there are times I wanted to sob;

to damp my cheeks with blood,

tie my wrist with a knot,

pull ’em apart & feed the starving

grey hounds at last;

only to rob that chance away

and yank it back my way–

because people swap their front to back

And I just have to leave it like that

cos I’m tired of begging for one’s love.

I monologue my sorrows in my head

to have that friend I need

then i smile and jump for joy

to people denied of

sense &

sensitivity hoping

to conceal my intuitive heart away,

from the torment of their lips

and the betrayal of their tongues.

If I could have a ticket to a broadway show,

I would have featured you in my soul.

But apathy drove you away from home

& housed the vilest snake alone.

How long does it take for one

to say ‘all is forgiven’

in a world chained around such a ‘deathless stigma?’

Hence it’s hard to draw a penny

for such a show is a mini.

This I have to say to you.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

if you’ll imprison me the same in

an everlasting disarray.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

if your intention is mild anyway.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

if you’re not ready to take my whole package

filled with ‘return to sender’ stats.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

if you can’t rest like the wind with me.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

if you’ll only make my heart horse-race like mad

& keep it unrest whole night.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

if you’ll only hold my hand as you please &

not make it warm against collapse.

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

if you’ll only promise me the sun & moon

you see,

it’s easier to slaughter the promise stowed with a heavy heart

than the person who did the pact.

Please don’t make me fall in love with you

cos I’m already used to

emptying the filthy garbage bins alone,

used to make reservations for three with

a busy bag on the right & two babies beside,

used to walk alone,

build a home in great stride,

used to make three beds & sleep with a

pillow in between my legs.

So please..

“Don’t make me fall in love with you”

in anyway

if your existence meant you

won’t stay.

since

I have already embraced myself this way.