When I was little
Jumping from one roof to the other,
Catching spiders in a house haunted
Reaching for the sun at 6 am
Were a natural thing to do.
I’d spin like bey blade
Til I get lost.
At 9, Girl’s Scout of the Philippines was a pop.
A dream I ever wanted but-
Depressed by my Mom
when she said NO.
I tore my teacher’s permits and vomited my own words
to convince mother.
Jealous at my four siblings,
Their lives had been applauded
Mine had been pacified as
If an uproar broke out…
Lights off ; noise silenced
First time I felt my death.
In high school, days had been so
warm and cozy
New school, same city still NO FRIENDS
Used to line up in covered walks at school; waiting —
For Time to get tired of me and decide to cease ticking for me.
Hopeful to shine the brightest came my second death when..
I lost the inter-school chess competition, dropped C.A.T then failed in our swimming class.
Lucky I’ve found some friends but Not friendships.
Wished I had gone home, held my stomach and covered my mouth for a silent weep.
8 years stuck in the same babe at school–
Too many things started but not finished
Too many left unsaid; left undone.
The house was dark and cold; school felt empty I got bruised.
‘I’m tired’ was the lamest, lousiest and laziest adjective my brain could ever process.
I wanted to live—
Happy like the others.
Subservient, ordinary, dreaded..
I was spinning,
then had been spinning..
So I wrote everything..
thought it a