Finding me in my poetry

When I was little

Jumping from one roof to the other,

Catching spiders in a house haunted

Reaching for the sun at 6 am

Were a natural thing to do.

I’d spin like bey blade

Counterclockwise 

And hitherto

Til I get lost.

At 9, Girl’s Scout of the Philippines was a pop.

A dream I ever wanted but-

Depressed by my Mom

when she said NO.

I tore my teacher’s permits and vomited my own words

to convince mother. 

Jealous at my four siblings,

Their lives had been applauded

Mine had been pacified as

If an uproar broke out…

Lights off ; noise silenced

First time I felt my death.

In high school, days had been so warm and cozy

New school, same city still NO FRIENDS

Used to line up in covered walks at school; waiting —

For Time to get tired of me and decide to cease ticking for me.

Hopeful to shine the brightest came my second death when..

I lost the inter-school chess competition, dropped C.A.T then failed in our swimming class.

Lucky I’ve found some friends but Not friendships.

Wished I had gone home, held my stomach and covered my mouth for a silent weep.

8 years stuck in the same babe at school–

Too many things started but not finished

Too many left unsaid; left undone.

The house was dark and cold; school felt empty I got bruised.

‘I’m tired’ was the lamest, lousiest and laziest adjective my brain could ever process.

But

I wanted to live—

Happy like the others.

Instead

Subservient, ordinary, dreaded..

I was spinning,

spun,

then had been spinning..

So I wrote everything..

Everything and

thought it a

poem.