My self: I never left you

out in the cold from my mother’s womb

i cried out loud for my father’s love

the lil baby I was; they all admired

put to sleep by my mom’s precious lullabies

when at night my father just couldn’t hold me high

years peeled off so significantly; now past my childhood where I should be

flying paper planes, jumping ropes, playing cards and dreaming mad of land so distant I longed to be welcomed.

days had been rough; I needed to be tough

I went to school without a dime, I carried with me just a lime

sometimes there was nothing to eat only the monstrous cry of defeat

I held my heart with so much care afraid of people to dare drop the only treasure I had; shattering all on the floor of glass

the ‘mango tree’ and the collapsed hide away, the singing streams of tapestry, my lil soul rejoiced them all feeling the oneness that life gave me

for a time a child must learn to sacrifice a life of her own

earning coins, bringing plastic wares and a gas tank as I ran to the school ground with my peach uniform not wanting to miss the flag ceremony

It was a day-long earned; hard work so my journey had begun

Failure was not a contemplated option as a young child I bravely defied

one day, someday with my dreams, goals, and a lust for freedom abounded

I should thank Quintus Horatius Flaccus for his phrase sent exuberance to my spirit that I only had to enjoy the day with little trust of how future played; that was how I exalted

With a naive and restless heart I made a run; ran to the street where no one did

I thought I won all the price then bragged about the way to my destiny but lil did I know what hid underneath; underneath the leaves and dried twigs was a long and perilous hole dug by a mole rat

A very climactic turn of events, falling right through the traps and snares where I couldn’t win again life’s enigmas nailed by the unspeakable stigmas

Was I twenty when I heard the first call?

I rushed again towards an unknown man a stranger of light cloaked in a merciful robe

warning signs all I ignored; to me there was nothing greater than the joy of being noticed romantically

how my impetus for the seed of love transformed; breaking and pulling then destroying the only ideal foundation I laid in secret then got torn

back then I carried with me a new life moving through its own rhythmic fashion as I became what I never dreamed of becoming at least in an age filled with evil doubts and multitudes of regrets

I was told, ” I had better killed it.” At twenty-one, who would have thought he’d be the total demon I never thought he’d likely be for in the core of my soul I knew I trusted one beautiful soul

I couldn’t cry even that was a right I had to earn for I was the reason and the only one to blame. I made a mistake; had to purge my sins

I grappled against life; fought a lot even if it was a losing battle. I had to stand and keep my position otherwise I couldn’t be that powerless woman to my joys in life

  Four years I kept the surging tides calm as to how? One must never ask coz beyond this light-hearted person I was– masked the fading bursts and flares of pure energy from the memories made half a century ago

All rational thoughts, threw them out of my window for I was whispered by pain and sorrow when He left and left me with everything he dared not to keep as I wondered wastefully how it might have been if only he was braver like his father used to say

Only assured that ‘tomorrow ‘ shall return to me the love I yearned when I bid farewell—

My self: I never left you not even in the period of heat and cold—

until we hear the in between of the scientific and the magical.


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