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Living alone. Doing things alone. Everything decided and created all by yourself is your comfort zone. You aren’t lonely. Because being in the c-zone is happiness.

The challenge is when you’re Not asked, Not dared and Not forced to share that space with another special person.

Someone who matters to you, who is determined to embark on a new journey with you. Someone who loves you. Sometimes, someone totally different from the people you’re used to having and taking.

And you…

Are just there mystified, rambling things in your brain, rationalizing, doing reality checks, making-decisions, nit-picking, finger-pointing and,

at other times just dreaming, fantasizing, miraculously writing songs, singing, wishing and carving wood, spilling beer,

frightened to leap, to be a fool, to make mistakes, to regret the only decision you made from the many options you had –it could be wrong, could be right,

I might be right, might be wrong

Afraid to live a different life, scared to be with a different person, scared to discover a new person in you, not wanting to do things, fear to lose control in doing so, experience the ruin of all things gradually in your face like colourful confetti up in the air, difficult to catch with your two hands when it falls–only gets even worse once it lands; filling the ground wet, dirty and useless.

Then, you’re back to square one.

And the good side? 

Because it’s the opposite; varied, difinitely not an empty experience. 

 

 

 

“Are you okay?”

“Are you okay?”

I want to ask.

Ten letters to type,

It only takes three words forward,

a question mark and a quotation mark

one by one,

I delete them backwards.

“

y

a

k

o

u

o

y

e

r

A

?

“

 

This is how worried I am about you.

 

 

in my subconscious

In my subconscious

Searched to equilibrate water in my head

To know if we cared enough

Hazy images appeared in the shadows

It seemed a mascara, black liquid eyeliner, face foundation, white teeth,

Pointed shoes, maybe sneakers, a dark horse,

A Parisian chick, a scythe, a dark red coffin, a wolf, a snake

tu es l'amour de ma vie

This gale-force wind like dream

I would still love it

If only—

To wake up next to you

Arms locked one morning

To meet your sleepy eyes and kiss your warm coveted lips.

Regret

How easy it is to push a button,

how easy it is to cause some waves,

easy to make noise in silence

easy to frost in the snow

to want someone

to be a couple but not really

 

but with one blow of a secret–

 

everything, everything simply 

becomes flat.

…

Out there

Out there I looked for warmth

A blanket, a mattress, a cushion to lie on

But more importantly,

For his heated skin, fiery eyes and soft whispers

I’d like to leave an impression

 

Out there I looked to reaffirm

What I felt on the inside

It seemed the coals were burning velvety

His skin was a mat, a not so typical mat—

On the floor a contrast of the cold

A lure to the bold

To lick, to taste, to accentuate

the truth forgotten;

a knowledge to behold

 

Fire ablaze constantly

It stopped the sound of an old harp strummed by the wind

 

The evening stalked for branches of the moon to cloak the earth

Dim life for a dab of light

This fire brought by two huddling pawns squeaking discreetly—

Out there; away from the ordinary

 

Home was a distortion of raindrops on air

rain dropped to smash the earth with aggression

As it pulverized my desire to perfection

And ‘home’ became a boundless pool of trepidation

 

Out there I found a man

Who filled my cup with tiny leaves of grass

and on the field, we rested our backs to dream a moment to last

 

to dream the moment to last..

 

 

My heart

‘Love never left me.’

But—

the actor did

And the salesman did

And the singer did

And the OIC did

Then the liar did

So did the puppeteer

The assassin said

That THEY just did what they did,

a PAST, indeed!

‘Love never left me.’

stubborn

I told you to come and see me, didn’t you hear?

I had chips, a bunsen burner and a black quill.

Didn’t you even know?

Must I be repetitive?

Somehow, I guessed it so.

Those lips, they do linger

Those lips-poem by april

 

 

 

that face that shivers whether to take on a radiant smile or just to tear it down

I seem foolish but I can’t help giggle inside my core.

preventing me from moving on

everything is resurrected and I thought now is here–

your mouth that snows

is filled with mint and clover

these eyes that meet your lips

write so much breath to breath

do your eyes see the whole kaboom?

What the lips rejoice in times of trouble?

From the coldest whites to kisses so high

Generally, there’s more desire than there’s to say

From beneath your clothes to my warmest bosom

If there’s a way to pacify it or

Perhaps a way to let it be unnoticed;

When suddenly that heart is filmed in your eyes

And your eyes let out the view of the magical—

I’m at a state of pause.

Darling, this heartache that speaks without words

Such a wake up call for you;

I’d like to shake those inexcusable lips

Wreck them all with the purest dew

 

Until,

That body can no longer hold

Those lips, they do linger with a smile so gentle.

that face that shivers whether to take on a radiant smile or just tear it down

I seem foolish but I can’t help giggle inside my core.

preventing me from moving on

everything is resurrected and I thought now is here.

 

Hey, I cut myself

a little scratch on my tanned skin

a little hope lost from a bad dream

just a cut on my left hand it seemed

so light I didn’t notice 

Here was a lie constantly fed by an American spoon

just a scratch from a childhood game

came to me as a great excuse

Perhaps, a cat ran loose.

Silly you with all these colorful bracelets

a mere fashion to hide the scar unfading

why?

Have you been crying?

well my tear ducts opened and collapsed an ocean of water but could I truly say? 

From a bad dream

just I screamed

Nope, it wasn’t a wound

just a lie

      somewhere I heard 

this tear was hard to conceal

rather showed how “another try”  

so close enough

to let me die.

Hey, I cut myself.

Come to me as you are

My arms have grown feathered-wings

Awaiting you to come to me as you are 

                                          stormy,

                                           blue,

                                            crushed and,

                                             heavy 

Inside my arms you are free to rest 

Filling your lungs with clean air 

Fall in love with the knowledge that in 

This world even your pain is essential 

Let your sorrow dig into my heart’s flesh

painting it with every shattered you.

It’s ok to be attached 

                         To feel,

                          to grieve,

                           to fear even

                              deny 

Only when these emotions are touched,

The world you’ll find in a colorful spread of spectrum 

Then the moon will stop growing and living inside your eyes as you become the sun.

And your heart is the most incredible star. 

Because you are more than a spirit with a mind and a body through which sorrow can truly adore.