oh please skip the coffee line




yellow plush toy

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Oh please skip the coffee line if only to make random thoughts to ponder on for the day

I can’t make up my mind yet but if one will corner me into saying glazed words of lollipops and cranberries, oh please skip the coffee line…I might fall into the habit of continued illusion and make a garden outside my house then, let you take me home.

I can share a cup of coffee with you but it may not be for anything grand but try to avoid that coffee line for me and spare the death of my poor heart that gets drumrolls whenever a word of paradise escapes your mouth.

oh dear, please skip the coffee line that only comes out of a color carton when lovers hit the movies for a fun air and a dramatic dialogue.

No young lad, I might enjoy the invitation and get my cute self a new set of clothes…the one with polka dots, a pair of dancing shoes, and a feathered ponytail. Because it looks like we’ll take a ride downtown.

So no young lad, we are not doing any of that…so please skip the coffee line early in the morning before I can even drink my own version of sweet coffee.

but I can reconsider once I have finished the book I’m reading…you said something about bitter tears and the universe, right? I think I can make valuable exceptions.


Many times, it seemed no matter how hard I tried nothing seemed to get through. I surmised even with this so called “Law of Attraction” I still fucked up. Last year was the hardest year for me. Everything just went out of proportion. Relationships, work, family, the losses were grand I thought it was impossible to get back up. I was filled with self-doubt, stuck in a rut, fearful to do the things I was most passionate about, out of focus, depressed, so vulnerable, pitiful yet I kept them all up. There was no one to talk to. No one to trust and can be trusted because either I met people who were judgmental, mediocre or just plain hopeless as well. It was so hard getting by on your own but I had to since nobody knew; no one was capable of knowing and helping. So I forcefully tried my best to pull myself up and it seemed I made it slowly after telling myself some lies, slapping myself the truth and the reality around me of course, I made it. I was back to that smiling freak mode again and I told myself, “you’re doing fine. You can do it. Yes, a little bit more, more, more, more. Smile, smile, smile some more, laugh, laugh, some more because if you don’t and if you won’t you’ll cry, cry, cry more, more and more until nothing’s ever going to move forward, you wouldn’t like it, would you?” So I never cried once. I refused to I was strong. I did things on my own I was used to that.  I held so much of that string otherwise I’d snap and go crazy. I just didn’t know what to do. I tried figuring things out and yes I knew myself all too well, I failed. I was difficult to give up because I was optimistic at least, I’d like to believe that. What happened, not happened and what was about to happen were vindictive yet I only had myself to blame. I had been beset by the ill-thoughts running in my head. I was so afraid to lose more than what I had already lost.

“Think long term”, from the magazine I read.


Ten years, let’s say.

– – – – – –

Brain fast-forwards to 2027.



“In ten years, will it matter?”, the head asks brain.


Brain says: I ain’t done yet!



Dearest someone

Sympathy is pitiful 

Empathy is spiteful 

And apathy is a downright curse. 

Make me feel something when I think shallow 

When I breathe hollow make me think full 

When everything is hard to follow 

Dangerous to swallow 

Help me feel so alive today as I simply doubt this so-called “tomorrow.”