someone died. and because I couldn’t stand looking at all the memories that were left around, I chose to stay uninvolved as if I never felt it or never saw it.

 

who wouldn’t?

who isn’t afraid?

 

would things get any better if I continue to just hang on?

 

what would you have said and done if you were asked the same question out of desperation?

 

I turned away. not looking back.

 

so he died.

 

if he was freer or not, pained or relieved, no one can know any of that.

 

now, I’m going through all of it. Seeing things I never realized were there until I got to see them myself. Having a lot of options but none of them gives me any thing significant. all things seemed a bit hurried and even I who happened to be there with him, it felt like deja vú.

 

what would you do? kept echoing back and forth.

 

To be in a place I so wanted to escape. Life really has its way of paying back those who tries to reverse the rules or change it.

 

shame, guilt and self-deprecation, fear and constant loneliness

 

would things get any better if I stop right now?

 

waking up at a beach, a place with no name.

 

 

 

 

will this be my place now?